Your stepdaughter comes to you, asking for advice about what to wear for her homecoming. You’re thrilled that she even bothered asking you, yet you hold back from saying anything. You’re afraid she’ll rebuff your ideas or snicker at your suggestions.
You avoid taking chances because you’ve been burnt in the past. The last thing you want is to be rejected. It hurts too much.
In your heart, you’ve been waiting for this moment, for the day your stepdaughter comes to you for some advice, trusts you enough to ask your opinion. You wonder if you’re even able to help her, fearing you’ll mess it up. You feel clumsy at this role of stepmothering. Fear is getting in the way of you being involved in your stepkids’ lives.
What if you could turn your fear into an opportunity to do something challenging, to put yourself out there and take a risk. How would that feel? SCARY! I know. It’s scary to allow yourself to become vulnerable to people you’ve not had good experiences with in the past.
You might have tried to get close to your stepkids, but it often ended in a big argument with them telling you “You’re Not My Mom!” After that, all you wanted to do is pack your stuff and leave.
Sometimes, you may need help in finding out what’s the best approach to responses like the one above. A coach can really help you look at what’s normal or typical in similar situations and what you can do when you’re flooded with fear.
Relationships are built by creating and sharing positive moments. This might mean that you’ll need to face those fears of rejection and take a risk. A coach’s job is to help you find the best ways to get the results you’re looking for. This kind of investment makes a difference in how you and your stepkids relate to one another, now and in the future.
When you invest in the relationship, you’re also showing your stepkids they matter enough for you to do what it takes to make this relationship work. You’re showing your stepkids that even when the relationship is strained, you look for ways to make it better, even when you’re not comfortable with the process. When you focus on what you want for you and your stepkids, it becomes easier to take those steps and take a risk.
Don’t let your fears get in the way of getting closer to your stepkids. Never stop learning new ways to connect with one another. Seek to understand their side of their reality. Seek help to guide you in taking the steps needed to bring you closer together.
There will always be setback and sometimes you might have to take alternative measures in order to get closer to your stepkids. Keep your focus on what you’re trying to accomplish. Continue to implement what works and discard what doesn’t. You’ll soon be on your way in succeeding in creating a stronger and healthier relationship for both of you.
Need help in getting facing your fears with rejection with your stepkids? Click HERE to get started.
Claudette Chenevert works with stepmoms struggling to create a cohesive family. As a Master Stepfamily coach, she provides education, support and tools enabling families to achieve their goals within a specific time frame, often surpassing expectations. She helps you find what works best in your situation so that you will be able to create the kind of family you truly want. For more information about her programs and services, go to http://www.stepmomcoach.com