I’ve been a long-time follower of Alison Armstrong and love her programs about Understanding Men, Celebrating Women. When I first started dating Bernard, we’d get into these arguments about the way we’d talk to each other. I kept telling him “You just don’t get it, do you?” and of course, he’d respond with “No, it’s you who doesn’t get it!”.

It seems that we were both right. We didn’t get each other. When I stumbled upon Alison’s work, it was a light bulb moment for me in realizing that my husband wasn’t my hairy girlfriend and I needed to treat him as a man. When I decided to change my way of interacting with Bernard, he changed with me. Our relationship with each other became more of a partnership. We  learned how to be on the same page by first understanding our partnership as husband and wife which in turned affected how we raised our kids together.

Here is a video of Alison explaining men and women in relationship. I’d love to hear what your responses are to what she has to say.

NOTE: I know we are not cavemen and women, but hey, sometimes I think we revert back to those behaviors whether we like it or not.

Claudette Chenevert The Stepmom Coach

Claudette Chenevert works with stepmoms who are struggling to create a cohesive family. As a Master Stepfamily coach, she provides education, support and tools enabling families to achieve their goals within a specific time frame,  often surpassing expectations. She helps you find what works best in your situation so that you will be able to create the kind of family you truly want. For more information about her programs and services, go to http://www.stepmomcoach.com

 

10 Comments

  1. Candess M. Campbell

    Communication is so important. This is a great video and gets us all thinking. I like to focus on similarities. That seems to help with the being connective. What I think both genders need is to be heard and valued. Thanks for sharing this!

    Reply
    • StepmomCoach

      Definitely Candess. All humans want to be heard and valued. There is no doubt about that. What I think is for some, different, is in the delivery and approach. Thanks for your thoughts.

      Reply
  2. Tamuria

    Excellent communication is vital to keep relationships running smoothly. It is so true that men and women communicate differently and it can cause a lot of issues if you don’t understand that and take things personally. I remember this happened a fair bit with Hubby when we first started dating. It almost always resulted in arguments. Now, more than three decades later, we have it down to a fine art. One of the most important things I’ve learned about communicating with him is that timing is everything and sometimes it’s better to wait for the right moment to have your say.

    Reply
    • StepmomCoach

      Congratulations Tami in mastering the art of knowing when it’s time to speak up and when it’s time to keep quiet. I think this is why we say “Silence is Golden.” At least knowing when to use silence can be golden. I think people don’t realize that having arguments doesn’t mean the end of a relationship. My husband was that way. After our first argument, he thought we were done. I was shocked because I thought we were just trying to get to the bottom of the problem and airing out our differences. I was raised in a home of only girls and he was raise in a home of only boys. We learned a lot about how different we talk to each other.
      Thanks for sharing.

      Reply
  3. Robin

    Great ideas to improve communication for a couple. And, essential for a long-lasting super relationship. Love the guidance of how men and women communicate differently.

    Reply
    • StepmomCoach

      Thanks Robin. Communication is really the glue that binds the relationship. And not just any kind of communication either – effective, caring and understanding communication, one that is meant for the other person to understand, not just to send out some information. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

      Reply
  4. Jackie Harder

    Oh yes! Great insight — men and women think and communicate differently. One is not better or worse than the other — just different. Part of our problem is that we don’t often listen well or actively. It’s a good skill to have in all our relationships.

    Reply
    • StepmomCoach

      Once we accept that different is good and has nothing to do with good or bad, I think we open up the door and possibility to deeper and richer conversations. When we approach another from the perspective of curiosity, we learn so much about the other person and ourselves.
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

      Reply
  5. Meghan

    Men and women are quite different, so it’s understandable that we could use a little help when it comes to interaction in a healthy way. Communication is the key to so many aspects of relationships. Thanks for sharing a bit of your personal struggles with your readers!

    Reply
    • StepmomCoach

      What is important to remember also is that at difference stages of a relationship, our need for communication changes as well. In a young relationship, we seek to connect and get to know each other. When we have children, we communicate to try to understand what we’re doing as parents. As empty nesters, we’re trying to figure out what we’re going to do with all this time on our hands.
      Along the way, our views and goals change as well as our need and way of communicating.

      Reply

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