Are you a stepmom who holds on to all the negative things the ex or stepkids say and think about you? Even when you know that holding on to negativity makes you miserable? It’s time you learn to let go of the negative people in your life. Here’s how.

One of the reasons stepmoms hold on to negative emotions and thoughts, making them feel resentful, is the feeling they have no control over their lives. There are times when you don’t have control over certain things like death, illness, maybe divorce. That’s when you feel like life is happening TO you. Perceived lost of control can lead you to feel and see negativity everywhere, especially when it comes from the ex and your stepkids.

As a stepmom, maybe you’re not sure of how to let go of negative people in your life. Your well-meaning family and friends may offer you trivial advice such as “suck it up,” or “just deal with it.” Although well intentioned, these bits of advice do nothing to help you learn how to let go of negative people. In fact, the opposite is more likely true. All these comments do is create more stress and anxiety for yourself and accentuating your lack of control over your life.

Here are a few techniques to help you regain a sense of control and stop negative people from crowding your life.

Meditation, yoga and martial arts are all about letting go and helping you get back into a more balanced life. In other words, regaining a sense of control over your life. When you feel you are more in control of what’s going on, you are better equipped to handle a negative ex or stepkids. Meditation and yoga helps you to focus on yourself and on what’s important to you. Martial arts is a great way to build up that confidence you might be lacking when you’re constantly faced with negative comments.

One of my personal favorite techniques for dealing with negativity in my life is journaling. When you write down all those negative thoughts and emotions, you can feel them leave your body and be transferred onto the paper. One of the techniques I’ve used in the past was to write my negative thoughts on paper and then burn them. They are then gone forever. Feel it’s a bit much for you? Well you can tear you paper up to shreds and then toss them in the trash. This is also very effective.

Finally, there are times when the only way to deal with negative people is to confront them. Whenever you’re dealing with an overbearing ex or disrespectful stepkids, one thing you can do is the create strong and healthy boundaries. Whenever you set your boundaries, do it in a firm yet calm way. This is not the time to lose your temper. Be prepared that they may respond to you be being even more negative than before. It’s important that you be clear and firm about your boundaries and your expectations as to how they treat you. Be consistent.

Dealing with negative people is never easy or pleasant. And in some cases, you might have to repeat the process many times. That’s OK. As long as you are consistent and clear about your goal to avoid letting negative people get to you, they will eventually move on, enabling you to let go and move on with your life as a stepmom and a wife.

Want additional ways in dealing with difficult exes and stepkids? Download this free ebook that will help you go from Conflict to Harmony.

Claudette Chenevert The Stepmom Coach

Claudette Chenevert  works with stepmoms struggling to create a cohesive family. As a Master Stepfamily coach, she provides education, support and tools enabling families to achieve their goals within a specific time frame,  often surpassing expectations. She helps you find what works best in your situation so that you will be able to create the kind of family you truly want. For more information about her programs and services, go to http://www.stepmomcoach.com

6 Comments

  1. Tamuria

    I used to write my negative thoughts and burn them, as you mentioned, Claudette. I haven’t done it in years, but it sure worked wonders. Journalling helps so much. Equally important, when dealing with negative people, is to set your boundaries and stick to them. I totally agree with you that it’s our perceived lack of power that makes us hold onto the negative.

    Reply
    • StepmomCoach

      Glad to hear you’ve used some of the techniques I suggested here. Happy to know it’s worked wonders for you. I agree with you that setting healthy boundaries and being consistent is key to keeping negative people out of our lives. Thanks for sharing.

      Reply
  2. Suzie Cheel

    Oh Yes letting go of negative people. Great tips and i find ho’oponopono is a great one too xx

    Reply
    • StepmomCoach

      Thanks for sharing Suzie. My stepdaughter lived in Hawaii for several years and learned some great traditions while there.

      Reply
  3. Tarah

    Thanks you for sharing this! It is so valuable because there are many people that have a different relationship with children and blended families:) Such great advice and perspective!

    Reply
    • StepmomCoach

      You’re welcome Tarah. Relationship are as individual as the people within them. No two relationship can be the same – even in a nuclear family. I have three younger sisters and my relationship with each one of them is very different. We all have our own personalities and life experiences.
      One of the key message here is to not be reactive to others and really look at what you have control over and what you don’t.
      And like in many situations, having clear boundaries are important.
      Thanks for sharing.

      Reply

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