Over lunch, Bernard asked me what were my expectations around Mother’s Day this year (he knows me well after 28 years 😉).

Jokingly, I told him to read this week’s newsletter.

Seriously though, thinking we know what the other person wants is probably one of the biggest mistakes we can make in a relationship – any kind of relationship.

Let me say this right now – hinting doesn’t work. It’s a bad idea. If you’re the type of person who hints at what she wants, STOP DOING THAT!

You’re setting yourself and others up for failure.

So what are you to do instead? Be clear on what you want, not just for Mother’s Day but all the time.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten upset or disappointed because I expected Bernard (and the kids for that matter) to read my mind. Some of our biggest arguments were around what I thought we ought to be doing and what Bernard thought I wanted to do.

We are so different now from when we first came together years ago. After many moments of trial and error, we’re getting closer to having less trivial arguments. (It’s not perfect, but it’s so much better.)

As we’re eating, Bernard let’s me know again that he’s waiting for me to tell him about my expectations for the weekend.

We went down a list of possibilities, which included spending time with our kids and grandkids. If I stay home and have a quiet day, that works for me just as much as going out with the family and getting together. What was important to me years ago isn’t so much of a priority now. We change over time.

I must say that I’m truly a lucky woman, for it’s Mother’s Day every day in my home. I get my coffee in bed, lots of help around the house and a husband who knows to ask me what I want. Our kids call when they have time (they’re parents too) and I get to enjoy my grandkids.

I’m aware that not every woman is treated as well as I am, but it’s not always been this way for us either. Being clear and specific about your wants and needs is a step in the right direction. No one can read your mind, and you shouldn’t expect them to either.

Do you know what you want for Mother’s Day? Is your husband/partner aware of your wants and needs? If not, take a moment to write your thoughts on paper and share it with him over lunch or dinner. Then have a conversation about what’s possible.

A gift for you:
Get this mini-book by filling out the form belowHave you downloaded my ebook on Words of Hope, Inspiration and Wisdom for Stepmoms?
This is my gift to you for Mother’s Day.

In here, you’ll find quotes such as:

“Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.” Unknown

 

“A smile is the light in your window that tells others that there is a caring, sharing person inside.” Dennis Waitley, Writer

 

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” C.S. Lewis

 

“I give myself the gift of recognizing what I do for I know that it comes from the heart.” Claudette Chenevert, The Stepmom Coach

Want to get your free e-book? Download your digital copy here: https://www.stepmomcoach.com/Words-Of-Hope-Inspiration-And-Wisdom-For-Stepmoms

Feel free to share with other stepmoms that might love to get there own copy of my ebook.

Wishing you a great Mother’s Day, no matter how you decide to spend it.

Claudette Chenevert The Stepmom Coach

Claudette Chenevert works with stepmoms who are struggling to create a cohesive family. As a Master Stepfamily coach, she provides education, support and tools enabling families to achieve their goals within a specific time frame,  often surpassing expectations. She helps you find what works best in your situation so that you will be able to create the kind of family you truly want. For more information about her programs and services, go to http://www.stepmomcoach.com

6 Comments

  1. Jackie Harder

    Ah yes…expectations. When I was young(er) and foolish, I expected my then-husband to give me flowers on Valentine’s Day. Of course, I never asked for them because…what’s the point of asking? Shouldn’t he KNOW that he should send me flowers for Valentine’s Day???? I don’t think he ever gave me flowers for Valentine’s Day and that was a valuable lesson for me: ASK for what you want. Save everyone a lot of hurt feelings. P.S. The same can be said about work expectations. If you want it (promotion, raise, etc.) ask for it. Don’t sit there and expect it to magically happen.

    Reply
  2. Alene Geed

    A beautiful story of your journey, your love and the communication that led to your current precious life. I adore the quote by Dennis Waitley

    Reply
  3. Beverley Golden

    People tell me I am not easy to surprise and I was often disappointed when my ex or anyone in my family would get me something…that I didn’t really want. I always thought it took the ‘fun’ out of a gift or plans someone made on my behalf without me knowing, but I think you are on point in saying to be direct and say what you want. Sometimes people ask me, and I honestly don’t really want anything, which isn’t too helpful, is it? 🙂 I’m learning to be clear about what I do not want and when I really want something, I tell my daughter or my mother so they can give me a gift of something I will appreciate and use. Happy Mother’s Day and thanks for the reminder to be clear in our intentions and what we share.

    Reply
  4. Tamuria

    I used to expect my family to read my mind all the time. Absolute disaster as I was always disappointed and they could never understand why. I’m not sure why I decided they had the magical ability to mind read but it was a relief for us all when I realised my mistake. Clear communication is such a vital ingredient to all relationships. We’re going out of state for Mother’s Day this year, so I won’t see the kids. However, I’m blessed to see most family members at least once a week and there are always plenty of cuddles and kisses and love.

    Reply
  5. Teresa Salhi

    So, so true. And there are times we may not take time to get clear on what we want so how can we expect them to know. Knowing what we want on Mother’s Day and everyday is a very rewarding life long gift we can give ourselves.

    Reply
  6. Candess M. Campbell

    Yes, yes, yes! The time of expecting others to read your mind about what you want is gone! I love that you are communicative and clear. I texted my daughters last week a few ideas of what I would love for Mother’s Day. For the most part, I have all I need so I like to give them ideas of simple gifts that I really want like candles and bubble bath. Have a Happy Mother’s Day!

    Reply

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